


L'Oreal... Because You're Worth It

by LittleDarlingXOX



Series: JayTim Shorts [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Break Up, Relationship Issues, wacky family dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 03:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleDarlingXOX/pseuds/LittleDarlingXOX
Summary: You’re so drunk you started flirting with your reflection and I laughed and now you’re defending your reflection to me.





	L'Oreal... Because You're Worth It

Jason rolled over in his bed to the sound of his phone buzzing and bumping its way along the top of his bedside table. He squeezed his eyes shut for a minute and then squinted at the clock:  _ 4:26 AM _ . 

He’d only gotten back to the apartment at three this morning. He was going to kill whoever was on the end of that call. It better be a big frickin emergency, like cataclysmic. When he saw it was Tim calling, his bad mood lessened, but that didn’t mean he liked being woken up right after his patrol had ended.  Tim probably didn’t even go to sleep, the little caffeinated demon.

“Unless the city’s on fire or there’s a two for one sale on chili dogs, you have no reason for waking me up. Which is it?” 

“I’m glad to see you have your priorities straight, Jason.” Came Tim’s reply in that half sigh of disbelief he always seemed to use with him. “And it’s neither.”

Jason rolled his eyes at the ceiling. “Night, babybird. Nice talking to you— “

“No, Jason don’t hang up! Don’t hang up, please! It’s important!” Pled Tim in a rush.

“What is it?” Jason sighed, rubbing at his face with his free hand in a vain attempt to wake himself up.

“I need you to come to Dick’s apartment. I went to check up on him and he’s drunk and now we’re having a bit of a situation over here.” Admitted Tim.

Jason groaned. “Oh no, Tim. I’m not holding Dick’s hair back while he pukes into a toilet.”

“Yeah… that’s not really the problem. Apparently, Dick and Babs got into a fight and Dick isn’t taking it well.” 

“Well, what do you want me to come over there for? Are we going to braid each other’s hair and watch some drunk disney?  Should I bring some chocolate ice cream and one of those stupid self help books on dating?”

“No...that’s not it either. You see, I was trying to get him to go lay down when he saw his reflection in the mirror and started… flirting with it. “

Jason snorted.  _ Only Dick would start flirting with himself, the narcissist. _

“Well,” Tim continued. “I may or may not have laughed at that and now Dick is defending his reflection to me. I don’t know how to make him stop, Jason!”

Jason burst out laughing. “Okay, I’ve got to see this. Please, tell me your recording this?”

“Oh, I’m sure Oracle already has it covered. No doubt Babs will save it as blackmail.” 

“Alright, be there in a bit.” Jason hung up and threw the covers off of himself, feeling almost giddy at the thought of mocking Dick for this later. 

When Jason reached Dick’s apartment, Tim practically dragged him inside with a hurried ‘ _ Thank God!’ _

“Where is he?” Jason asked looking around the empty kitchen and living area. 

“I locked him in the bathroom,” Tim waved a hand dismissively. “ He’s too drunk to remember how a doorknob works.”

And now that Jason listened closer he could hear thumping sounds like someone was flailing about in the bathroom. Jason placed the bags he was carrying on the kitchen counter and started to unpack them. He placed the carton of double chocolate fudge ice cream on the counter and Tim glared at him. 

“You actually did it, didn’t you? You bought the ice cream and self help books?”

“Yep!” Jason replied cheerfully and started to place the books down on the table one by one. “We’ve got a bit of a selection since I didn’t know what I was dealing with. Most of them are for chicks but I figured Babs wore the pants in the relationship, so it didn’t really matter.”

“Number one!” He announced. “ _ Most Guys are Losers (How to Find a Winner) Dating Wit and Wisdom from your Dad _ .”

“I don’t think they mean our dad. Wit and wisdom are not Bruce’s strong suits,” replied Tim with a smirk.

“Moving on to number two,” Jason continued with a grin. “ _ How to Love Like a Hot Chick _ .”

Tim was looking like he was trying hard not to laugh. “How many of these did you buy exactly?”

“Seven , but only six of them really apply to Dick.” Jason waggled his eyebrows. “Want to see the one I got for you?”

“Yes!” Tim snapped.

Jason handed him the book. 

“ _ The Geek’s Guide to Dating, _ ” Tim read aloud, then glared up at Jason. “A part of me wants to use this book to knock you unconscious, but I also want to know the other books you got. Keep going.”

_ “Sexy Beast: The Intimate Adventures of an Ugly Man. _ ”

“That doesn’t even apply, Jason!” Tim argued.

“Who cares! They were all so cheesy I just bought them all. Please let me keep going!”

Tim placed his hand over his eyes, like he couldn’t believe they could get any stupider. “Whatever.”

_ “Exorcising Your Ex: How to Get Rid of the Demons of Relationships Past. _ ” Jason snorted. “Did Sam and Dean Winchester write this one? I mean really... “

Tim laughed and reached across him for the next one, reading it aloud. “ _ Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl's guide to picking up hot guys _ .”

“Ok, this one just screams Dick. And last but not least…  _ The Art of Spooning: A Cuddler's Handbook. _ ”

“I don’t think Dick needs any help with that. He ambushed me with a hug when I got here and nearly broke my ribs.” Tim rubbed at his torso as if he could feel the bruises. 

By now the kitchen counter was covered with the books and Jason wondered if Dick would even notice them tomorrow morning if they put them in his bookshelf. Jason shrugged to himself and did it anyway.

* * *

 

When Dick rolled over the next morning, the sun was streaming in through the blinds in his living room. He groaned, and shifted again on the couch in a hopeless attempt to relieve the strain on his neck from the awkward angle. Squinting around him, he was surprised to see the company he had kept last night and noticed the paused frame of what looked like  _ Aladdin _ on his tv screen. He wondered what the hell happened last night.

“Jason,” There was no response from his younger brother sprawled sideways across the armchair, limbs hanging off of either armrest. 

“ _ Jason! _ ” Dick grunted, and chucked a pillow at him. Jason awoke with a startled flail, but opened his eyes to stare at Dick with an upside down grin. 

“Dickhead, you’re awake!” He exclaimed, and flung an arm down to smack a curled up Tim in the shoulder. “Babybird, wake up. Our drunken drama queen is awake.”

Tim unfurled from his sleeping position on the floor and stretched like a cat.

_ Drunken drama queen _ ? Dick’s head decided to give a painfully harsh throb, like it was trying to emphasize a point,. “Ah, that would explain the horrible headache I have. Tim could you— “

“Coffee. Got it.” Tim was already on his feet and heading towards Dick’s kitchen. Dick had never been happier to have a brother who was a caffeine addict. 

“Now,” started Jason, who had suddenly appeared next to him on the couch with a laptop in hand. “Let’s watch a little movie that I like to call ‘I know what you did last night’.”

As the video progressed, Dick’s remarks escalated from ‘ _ oh god! _ ’ to ‘ _ Jason, please turn it off! Tim control your boyfriend! Make him turn it off! _ ’ to ‘ _ Babs is never going to take me back after she see’s this, is she?’ _ , once the video had ended.

“Actually,” argued Tim, “She said that after hearing all of the  _ amazing  _ compliments you threw at yourself last night, she realized what a great guy she’d be missing out on by dumping you. You’re forgiven.”

Dick dropped his hands from his face, staring owlishly at Tim for a moment. “She—she’s forgiven me? I still have a girlfriend?”

Tim nodded at him. He shared a smirk with Jason. Dick mind was too preoccupied to notice as he exclaimed ‘I still have a girlfriend!’ to himself over and over. 

“But you know, Dick,” Jason put a hand on his shoulder and patted it in a awkward manner that Dick guessed was supposed to be paternal. “Girlfriends aren’t everything. Tim and I picked out a few of our favorite quotes from some books I got last night that we think could help you.”

Jason pulled out a book from behind him. Dick couldn’t be sure but he thought the title was something weird like,  _  How to Love like a Hot Chick _ .  As Jason cleared his throat and started reading, Dick made a mental note to search out any other hidden books in his apartment and burn them in a back alleyway.


End file.
